In the darkness a sweet craving creeps into my heart.
A demon wraps his arms around me and tells me to give in and let go.
Purity evaporates with the stealing of something that wasn't worth much in the first place.

Don't blame yourself for what a failure I have become.
It was okay that they both wanted to abandon me. My parents... they both would have given me up.
To this day I am surprised that I wasn't put up for adoption.

What is the worth of what I have gone through?
How about your life? Tell me about it.
I want a bed time story with all the characters, good, bad, evil, pure.

I can feel my skin. I can see my face. How unsightly.
There are moments when I just feel and refuse to look or think of it logically.
Logic cannot give me an answer for why after 21 years I feel like I have no idea what it feels like to be really loved.

It isn't just books and stories that confuse me.
The longing is there to be swept away and given a forever.
However, I know happily ever after never existed and never will. I am not five or six. Not anymore.

The piano playing the melody in my background soothes me.
I crack a smile and think of how I wish someone would look at me and think "She is beautiful, I love her"

I know that I tend to mess up a lot of things.
I have reasons for my madness, for my anger, for the self -obliterating button that I hit in emergencies.
Oh, you thought you were the only one? No, no love. Mine is small and hidden. Where is yours?

What do I want?
What am I feeling?
What is the point?

Grab me. Demand that I see what is standing before me. Demon, God, human, Choice... whatever you are reveal yourself to me. You be the weak one and lay yourself out for me to see. I have nothing to lay before you anymore.