Beautiful ~Eminem~
Lately I've been hard to reach I've been too long on my own Everybody has a private world
Where they can be alone Are you calling me, are you trying to get through
Are you reaching out for me, I'm reaching out for you
I'm just so fuckin' depressed I just can seem to get out this slump
If I could just get over this hump
But I need something to pull me out this dump I took my bruises, took my lumps
Fell down and I got right back up But I need that spark to get psyched back up
In order for me to pick that mic back up I don't know how I pry away
And I ended up in this position I'm in I starting to feel distant again
So I decided just to pick this pen Up and tried to make an attempt to vent
But I just can't admit Or come to grips, with the fact that I may be done with rap
I need a new outlet I know some shits so hard to swallow But I just can't sit back and wallow
In my own sorrow But I know one fact I'll be one tough act to follow
One tough act to follow Copy One tough act to follow Here today, gone tomorrow
But you have to walk a thousand miles
In my shoes, just to see What it's like, to be me I'll be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what I'd be like to Feel your pain, you feel mine Go inside each other's mind
Just to see what we find Look at shit through each other's eyes
But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful OoOo They can all get fucked.
Just stay true to you sOoOoo Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
OoOo They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you
I think I'm starting to lose my sense of humor
Everything is so tense and gloom
I almost feel like I gotta check the temperature in the room Just as soon as I walk in
It's like all eyes on me So I try to avoid any eye contact
Cause if I do that then it opens a door to conversation
Like I want that... I'm not looking for extra attention
I just want to be just like you Blend in with the rest of the room
Maybe just point me to the closest restroom I don't need fucking man servant
Tryin to follow me around, and wipe my ass Laugh at every single joke I crack
And half of them ain't even funny like
Ahh Marshall, you're so funny man, you should be a comedian, god damn
Unfortunately I am, but I just hide behind the tears of a clown
So why don't you all sit down Listen to the tale I'm about to tell
Hell, we don't have to trade our shoes
And you don't have to walk no thousand miles
In my shoes, just to see What it's like, to be me
I'll be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what I'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each other's mind
Just to see what we find Look at shit through each other's eyes
But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
OoOo They can all get fucked.
Just stay true to you sOoOoo
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
OoOo They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you sOoOoo
Nobody asked for life to deal us
With these bullshit hands they've delt
We have to take these cards ourselves
And flip them, don't expect no help
Now I could have either just
Sat on my ass and pissed and moaned
But take this situation in which I'm placed in
And get up and get my own
I was never the type of kid
To wait but I know to unpack his bags
Never sat on the porch and hoped and prayed
For a dad to show up who never did
I just wanted to fit in
Every single place
Every school I went
I dreamed of being that cool kid
Even if it meant acting stupid
Aunt Edna always told me
Keep making that face till it gets stuck like that
Meanwhile I'm just standing there
Holding my tongue up trying to talk like this
Till I stuck my tongue on the frozen stop sign poll at 8 years old
I learned my lesson and cause I wasn't tryin to impress my friends no more
But I already told you my whole life story
Not just based on my description
Cause where you see it from where you're sitting
Is probably 110% different
I guess we would have to walk a mile
In each other's shoes, at least
What size you where? I wear tens
Let's see if you can fit your feet
[Chorus]
In my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me
All be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what I'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each other's mind Just to see what we find
Look at shit through each other's eyes
But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
OoOo They can all get fucked.
Just stay true to you sOoOoo
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
OoOo They can all get fucked.
Just stay true to you sOoOoo
Lately I've been hard to reach I've been too long on my own
Everybody has a private world Where they can be alone... sOoOoo
Are you calling me, are you trying to get through OoOo
Are you reaching out for me, I'm reaching out for you
sOoOoo Oo Oo
Yea... To my babies. Stay strong.
Daddy will be home soon
And to the rest of the world, god gave you the shoes
That fit you, so put em on and wear em
And be yourself man, be proud of who you are
Even if it sounds corny,
Don't ever let no one tell you, you ain't beautiful
Friday, September 18, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
Boated Dead Fish
Why aren't we talking?
Today I have been semi productive... I am hoping still that I accomplish more than the average bear. REading through manuscripts is something that I would love to do all the time, if only it was all I had pressing me.
I keep looking at my shelf of books and I long to read the ones that I am ignorant of. Those pages that have yet to be logged into my memory and whisper sweet nothings to me... "Come, read us. Know us..."
My cat is asleep on my bras which are on my owl blanket. He adores that blanket and I don't really know why. He is big and soft and part of what makes my heart thud in my chest, and that blanket is fleece. HE is wonderful. As for my dwarf hamster, he was rowdy today and tipped his food bowl over twice, right after I cleaned the cage. I hate that it is a cage. I wish he could run freely, but maybe he doesn't mind so much since clear walls are all he has ever known.
There are still bills to pay, presents to buy, things to read (not my books :( ) and a dinner to get ready for. Oh don't forget the start of a week of working out. I am determined to drop these pounds, again. Weight is such a nasty thing. Yuck.
A boyfriend is living here this week, annoying. Girl roommates are not something I would recommend unless you have a seriously high tolerance for bullshit. Sadly, I have. But after this year that will change and I will either be alone or with a male. And of course there is always my cat and hamster to keep me smiling. The do not cause drama. They don't have unwanted company over. Pets are the best.
I need to produce and accomplish...
Today I have been semi productive... I am hoping still that I accomplish more than the average bear. REading through manuscripts is something that I would love to do all the time, if only it was all I had pressing me.
I keep looking at my shelf of books and I long to read the ones that I am ignorant of. Those pages that have yet to be logged into my memory and whisper sweet nothings to me... "Come, read us. Know us..."
My cat is asleep on my bras which are on my owl blanket. He adores that blanket and I don't really know why. He is big and soft and part of what makes my heart thud in my chest, and that blanket is fleece. HE is wonderful. As for my dwarf hamster, he was rowdy today and tipped his food bowl over twice, right after I cleaned the cage. I hate that it is a cage. I wish he could run freely, but maybe he doesn't mind so much since clear walls are all he has ever known.
There are still bills to pay, presents to buy, things to read (not my books :( ) and a dinner to get ready for. Oh don't forget the start of a week of working out. I am determined to drop these pounds, again. Weight is such a nasty thing. Yuck.
A boyfriend is living here this week, annoying. Girl roommates are not something I would recommend unless you have a seriously high tolerance for bullshit. Sadly, I have. But after this year that will change and I will either be alone or with a male. And of course there is always my cat and hamster to keep me smiling. The do not cause drama. They don't have unwanted company over. Pets are the best.
I need to produce and accomplish...
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
In the darkness a sweet craving creeps into my heart.
A demon wraps his arms around me and tells me to give in and let go.
Purity evaporates with the stealing of something that wasn't worth much in the first place.
Don't blame yourself for what a failure I have become.
It was okay that they both wanted to abandon me. My parents... they both would have given me up.
To this day I am surprised that I wasn't put up for adoption.
What is the worth of what I have gone through?
How about your life? Tell me about it.
I want a bed time story with all the characters, good, bad, evil, pure.
I can feel my skin. I can see my face. How unsightly.
There are moments when I just feel and refuse to look or think of it logically.
Logic cannot give me an answer for why after 21 years I feel like I have no idea what it feels like to be really loved.
It isn't just books and stories that confuse me.
The longing is there to be swept away and given a forever.
However, I know happily ever after never existed and never will. I am not five or six. Not anymore.
The piano playing the melody in my background soothes me.
I crack a smile and think of how I wish someone would look at me and think "She is beautiful, I love her"
I know that I tend to mess up a lot of things.
I have reasons for my madness, for my anger, for the self -obliterating button that I hit in emergencies.
Oh, you thought you were the only one? No, no love. Mine is small and hidden. Where is yours?
What do I want?
What am I feeling?
What is the point?
Grab me. Demand that I see what is standing before me. Demon, God, human, Choice... whatever you are reveal yourself to me. You be the weak one and lay yourself out for me to see. I have nothing to lay before you anymore.
A demon wraps his arms around me and tells me to give in and let go.
Purity evaporates with the stealing of something that wasn't worth much in the first place.
Don't blame yourself for what a failure I have become.
It was okay that they both wanted to abandon me. My parents... they both would have given me up.
To this day I am surprised that I wasn't put up for adoption.
What is the worth of what I have gone through?
How about your life? Tell me about it.
I want a bed time story with all the characters, good, bad, evil, pure.
I can feel my skin. I can see my face. How unsightly.
There are moments when I just feel and refuse to look or think of it logically.
Logic cannot give me an answer for why after 21 years I feel like I have no idea what it feels like to be really loved.
It isn't just books and stories that confuse me.
The longing is there to be swept away and given a forever.
However, I know happily ever after never existed and never will. I am not five or six. Not anymore.
The piano playing the melody in my background soothes me.
I crack a smile and think of how I wish someone would look at me and think "She is beautiful, I love her"
I know that I tend to mess up a lot of things.
I have reasons for my madness, for my anger, for the self -obliterating button that I hit in emergencies.
Oh, you thought you were the only one? No, no love. Mine is small and hidden. Where is yours?
What do I want?
What am I feeling?
What is the point?
Grab me. Demand that I see what is standing before me. Demon, God, human, Choice... whatever you are reveal yourself to me. You be the weak one and lay yourself out for me to see. I have nothing to lay before you anymore.
I prefer to be Alone.
There is a hunger, a craving that wakes up in the darkness.
When the sun hides its shining face behind the blanket of black silk, the stars and moon glitter sweetly and tempt me into something I could take if only I would reach for it.
Piles of work glare at me from the floor because I don't dare put them on the desk. What if it broke? I don't trust it. My bed holds me sweetly, cradling me and whispering sweet nothings in my ears. "Sleep darling. Close your eyes and drift into dreams and nothingness...rest".
I want answers! I want time to think, to write, to explore. Make my dreams vivid and full of color, emotion, awareness and dear bed you can take me to wherever you wish. Awake or asleep, it does not matter.
I want to walk with you on a road, gravel paths, chalky white sidewalks, and grass that tickles my ankles. I want to tell you my stories and let you explore my past. How fascinating it must seem to someone who hasn't lived it. Just like yours makes me smile and ache in ways you simply don't imagine. Yes, I make that assumption. I know that I can never understand someone else's stories, though I relish listening to them. Tell me about how when you were young you "fill in the blank". Tell me of your dreams and your let downs. Tell me of anger, kisses, hurts, healing, darling tell me of your growth. Let me see you as the seed you once were so that I can understand this towering plant in front of me, or next to me. What are you? Not a flower, heavens no. Not a veggie or even fruit. A tree perhaps?
Shade me from the thoughts and bruises that linger and scar me with dreadful thoughts. Stint to flow of endless tears that are more invisible each and everyday. They do not glitter like diamonds, they wash nothing away, no river like tendencies. My screams and sobs and wretched tears are quiet, silent, and nothingness upon the wind.
Make time to tell me what needs told. I do not live in the present, but am always falling behind or so far ahead that I lose sight of those in my life NOW. My heart pumps, thumps, thuds against my chest to let me know it is here, not there, that I am and belong for now in this place of utter confusion.
24 hours of sweet aloneness. 24 hours of staring into the sky and simply letting my thoughts drift about. They clatter here and there begging to be released, but really there is no one to tell. I have been heard before and everyone loses interest after awhile. I am the dress from yesterday, the forgotten ghost, the unexciting news that you try to evade. We are speeding through these moments, not caring for clarity, and then I look back and forward and wonder, "How ever did I get here?"
Bring me home... But first show me what that means. To have a home. To love with out boundary. To give and bleed and love without restraint. Give me something that isn't tainted. Show me being alone isn't all it is cracked up to be... Can you?
When the sun hides its shining face behind the blanket of black silk, the stars and moon glitter sweetly and tempt me into something I could take if only I would reach for it.
Piles of work glare at me from the floor because I don't dare put them on the desk. What if it broke? I don't trust it. My bed holds me sweetly, cradling me and whispering sweet nothings in my ears. "Sleep darling. Close your eyes and drift into dreams and nothingness...rest".
I want answers! I want time to think, to write, to explore. Make my dreams vivid and full of color, emotion, awareness and dear bed you can take me to wherever you wish. Awake or asleep, it does not matter.
I want to walk with you on a road, gravel paths, chalky white sidewalks, and grass that tickles my ankles. I want to tell you my stories and let you explore my past. How fascinating it must seem to someone who hasn't lived it. Just like yours makes me smile and ache in ways you simply don't imagine. Yes, I make that assumption. I know that I can never understand someone else's stories, though I relish listening to them. Tell me about how when you were young you "fill in the blank". Tell me of your dreams and your let downs. Tell me of anger, kisses, hurts, healing, darling tell me of your growth. Let me see you as the seed you once were so that I can understand this towering plant in front of me, or next to me. What are you? Not a flower, heavens no. Not a veggie or even fruit. A tree perhaps?
Shade me from the thoughts and bruises that linger and scar me with dreadful thoughts. Stint to flow of endless tears that are more invisible each and everyday. They do not glitter like diamonds, they wash nothing away, no river like tendencies. My screams and sobs and wretched tears are quiet, silent, and nothingness upon the wind.
Make time to tell me what needs told. I do not live in the present, but am always falling behind or so far ahead that I lose sight of those in my life NOW. My heart pumps, thumps, thuds against my chest to let me know it is here, not there, that I am and belong for now in this place of utter confusion.
24 hours of sweet aloneness. 24 hours of staring into the sky and simply letting my thoughts drift about. They clatter here and there begging to be released, but really there is no one to tell. I have been heard before and everyone loses interest after awhile. I am the dress from yesterday, the forgotten ghost, the unexciting news that you try to evade. We are speeding through these moments, not caring for clarity, and then I look back and forward and wonder, "How ever did I get here?"
Bring me home... But first show me what that means. To have a home. To love with out boundary. To give and bleed and love without restraint. Give me something that isn't tainted. Show me being alone isn't all it is cracked up to be... Can you?
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