Today my grandma called me fat. This is nothing new and yet it stings and whittles away at my self-esteem each time. (I am 5'7 and weigh 150. I am working on dropping about 10lbs). I don't think I am FAT...even though i want to lose weight. This is just what is on my mind kind of... Why does she need to say things like that? Do I disappoint her?
Image is a frustrating thing. No girl likes the twig image. In order for a 5'7 girl to be pretty she has to be 120 image. Screw that. I enjoy have an butt and a few curves, but I can't help feeling that pressure and that need to just stop eating and get myself to that awesome twig like image. Working out of course is the healthy option but who has time? ha. ha.
Does anyone deserve what they get? Is Karma a real thing? If so... I think I deserve... Hmmmmmmmmm. I don't know honestly. i thought of funny things to say... I deserve a snickers bar, a gold star, to already be done with college, to own fiji... But none of those are serious. I realize that in time those things will come (maybe not fiji but most of them) and I am okay with waiting and working towards those goals...
I hate when my Grandmother has the TV up so freaking loud above me that I can hear what they are saying in my room downstairs.
I love this room... though I would love it more if it was decorated by me for me. This is just my room away from my real home now up at college. That is where my true spunky decorative self is on display.
I adore pictures.
I have been baking a lot lately and getting more into cooking. It is so much fun and you can alter recipes to be good or at least better for your body. Plus fresh food is so much tastier than a frozen mass of mush.
None of this matters. I just felt like talking/rambling and so here we are.
I want to write a book. I really do. I think I will... But first I am going to read now.
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