Why is it that people in books and on the big screen can love each other so so much? How is it they can some how come out of the hardships and love each other more than ever?
How is it that they believe so completely in what they have??
I wish some one would give me the answer. I wish I could find that kind of love.
I thought I had it... I really think I did for awhile. But now it seems to have diminished.
Why is that? Why do we stop trying or doing?
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
And today I won't have to face it again
One day down... I don't know how many more to go.
I got new pjs and I had gotten them because I thought not only would they be crazy comfy but you would love them. And youwould. I have them on now. And you'd totally be into them. :)
It wasn't an easy day. I kept thinking...maybe you will call. Just maybe. But you didn't and as much as it sucked I was still okay. And i am still somehow going.
I thought back to freshman year. I have been thinking alot about you and me and what we have been through. We have done this one other time... Only it didn't feel so serious and it didn't feel like I actually would lose you forever. I mean i remember being terrified that i would lose you but it wasn't as intense because I mean we were only 6 months in. But now... Oh now honey. I feel like I can see these distant dreams... these thoughts of a future floating closer and closer. You are part of them. I know that is scary but you are and I would beg you on my knees to please not run from me.
You are having a hard time. You need time to figure yourself out... but don't you think that you might want me there? Don't you think know that I would do anything for you? I am not saying that you can just walk all over me or that I can't live with out you. I am saying that I want you and to some extent do need you in my life. You are my best friend and I love you. I know lives can go on without one another... but I don't want it to. And I don't think that it is right. I truly just don't think that it is right to be without you in my world. I am a good girlfriend and I am not saying I am the best ever but for you... i would go to the ends of the earth to try and obtain "best" status.
I am giving you time. And At first I could only think that you wouldn't come back to me... but babe. We love each other. I know it. And I will stand back and let you control your life but I do want to be a part of it. I don't know what else you could want...
I got new pjs and I had gotten them because I thought not only would they be crazy comfy but you would love them. And youwould. I have them on now. And you'd totally be into them. :)
It wasn't an easy day. I kept thinking...maybe you will call. Just maybe. But you didn't and as much as it sucked I was still okay. And i am still somehow going.
I thought back to freshman year. I have been thinking alot about you and me and what we have been through. We have done this one other time... Only it didn't feel so serious and it didn't feel like I actually would lose you forever. I mean i remember being terrified that i would lose you but it wasn't as intense because I mean we were only 6 months in. But now... Oh now honey. I feel like I can see these distant dreams... these thoughts of a future floating closer and closer. You are part of them. I know that is scary but you are and I would beg you on my knees to please not run from me.
You are having a hard time. You need time to figure yourself out... but don't you think that you might want me there? Don't you think know that I would do anything for you? I am not saying that you can just walk all over me or that I can't live with out you. I am saying that I want you and to some extent do need you in my life. You are my best friend and I love you. I know lives can go on without one another... but I don't want it to. And I don't think that it is right. I truly just don't think that it is right to be without you in my world. I am a good girlfriend and I am not saying I am the best ever but for you... i would go to the ends of the earth to try and obtain "best" status.
I am giving you time. And At first I could only think that you wouldn't come back to me... but babe. We love each other. I know it. And I will stand back and let you control your life but I do want to be a part of it. I don't know what else you could want...
Sunday, December 7, 2008
A little time...
So he tells me now that he needs time to figure out if he wants the same things as I do.
He needs time to find himself and what he needs for his future and he asks that I please wait... so he can pick me or he can't. He is trying to be nice I know he loves me but why am I being put through this?
I love this boy with all my stupid heart. And now after almost three years he is telling me that he doesn't know if he can do this or if he wants the same thing as me anymore. I am a good girlfriend and I want to take care of him and be what he needs. I also want a boy who will love me as much as i love him. I wish that it didn't feel like my heart was throbbing in tiny places all over my chest. i don't know how I can be whole when i feel like a half of me is being torn away.
He needs time to find himself and what he needs for his future and he asks that I please wait... so he can pick me or he can't. He is trying to be nice I know he loves me but why am I being put through this?
I love this boy with all my stupid heart. And now after almost three years he is telling me that he doesn't know if he can do this or if he wants the same thing as me anymore. I am a good girlfriend and I want to take care of him and be what he needs. I also want a boy who will love me as much as i love him. I wish that it didn't feel like my heart was throbbing in tiny places all over my chest. i don't know how I can be whole when i feel like a half of me is being torn away.
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