Then there was french.

I hate french. It drives me insane. it has kept me on edge all semester and I can't wait to be DONE with it. I just thought I would let you know cause I have a quiz in there today and I just don't want to do it.
My cat just fell over a lid. It was hilarious because he tried to act like he didn't. Haha. What an adorable creature he is. I almost said what an adorable creature... I own. But do we really own our pets? We take care of them and we love on them and feed them and house them... Sounds like parenthood to me! But can you really own another creature? Maybe "legally" but I don't think you can spiritually. That doesn't seem right at all. I don't own anik. He came o me, if anything he owns my heart. I think some of me would be lost without him. The sweet lil/fat guy.
I worked out this morning and I feel wonderful about it. And I talked to bennie's mom, and I don't feel wonderful about that. She thinks we are going to come see her once a month. I don't think so. Nope nope nope. My home is not in St. Louis. Neither is bennie's so why should we go there all the time. Talk about needing to let go. Now that I have met bennie's mom, and lived with my gma, I have come to appreciate my parents a great deal. Yes, there are things that Were very messed up in my household. Groundings for stupid things. Never getting to talk to my friends, and therefore develop some better social skills, yadadadadada. But look at me now. Yea I have issues, who doesn't? Not to write them off or anything... but i mean seriously we all grow up with crap don't we? Something that should have been changed cause we all know better than our parents did. Yea sure whatever. I have learned a lot from my parents. What not to do- Kill spouse, ground excessivly, hit too hard, marry a jerk... Ya know basic stuff. But I learned a lot from their mistakes because I am who I am. Which leads me to wondering... Were they mistakes. If I like myself and I feel proud of who I have become, does that make the way I was raised wrong... or right? It is twisted and the abuse I took taught a lot but I still turned out for the most part pretty damn okay.
I want my kids to be happy but also know there are consequences for actions not thought out. I want my kids to grow up and be happy and come see me, but at the same time have their own lives. (My gma and bennie's mom don't get that. Kids leave home so stop pushing for them to come home all the damn time!!!!!) I know i will screw up because I am human, but i hope my kid looks back and thinks of me the way i think of my mom. I love her to death. My dad as well...though he is in prison he hasn't raised me much.
Another rant. Bennie's mom drives me insane sometimes. I feel like the only reason I exist is so she can get to bennie through me. I hate it. And she demands we come to st. louis. There is nothing in St. Louis for me. If she doesn't like it there she should move back to kc. She was complaining to me that she misses all the people she had come to know... well not my fault. And Bennie and I are growing up. I don't even go home once a month so I am sure as hell not going there. I don't know why I feel so mean about this. I guess i Have parents who don't expect me home all the time. I know my mom misses me and what not but she knows i am a growing adult and that I don't have time to come home all the time.
Bennie and I want to go to Nashville... that is where we are thinking about living. What will his mom do then? Cause I get tired of it.
I feel so mean now. Yuck. Time for noodles and cheese!